Fridays by "SadDad" copyright 2006

Fridays are the worst. I picked her up on Fridays for our weekends.

Weekends that were the substitute for the weeks, months, and years that the court and my ex-wife took from us.

I never thought that I would lose even those token visitations with the person that I loved the most, and sacrificed the most for. I never thought that she would turn on me and deny me those visits and the love that I lived for. The worst part is not knowing why. I trusted her with all of my heart and soul.

Depression begins to build on Thursday night, and my whole existence is blanketed with that fog.

I cry when I see movies or TV shows that we shared and loved. I cry when some little girl says "Daddy" on a television commercial. I cry for myself and for that "daddy." I cry for all the daddies that have been betrayed, and those who will be betrayed.

I cry at the grocery store when I pass by her favorite foods or the display of chewing gum. I cry when another Delia's catalog finds its way into my mail box.

I cry when I laugh, because I'm not sharing that laughter with her. I can't be happy without crying and missing her so terribly.

And I cry as every holiday approaches. The holidays that we shared with such joy and laughter and love. Christmas carols make me ache...and cry. Thanksgiving finds me giving thanks for those twelve or so wonderful years before the change began, and then the pain of realizing that she is gone, probably forever. Then I cry. Father's Day? I fantasize that she will call. She doesn't. I cry.

If she ever comes back to me, I will cry. I hope she does that before my tears become dust. I just don't know how much longer that I can cry.

Even on weekends.